Friday 15 September 2017

SEEKING CONDOLENCE: Quest to find Happiness

I gathered my hair into a tight knot, ignoring the bold grey ones who mocked at me through the looking mirror. But as I wiped my face with the towel, I couldn’t ignore the fast emerging wrinkles around my eyes. I wonder where my years flew. Every inch of my body ached after a hard day at work. My assistant had conveniently forgotten to inform me about her absence from work today.
Sometimes I wonder why I take all her shit. Maybe because she knows that I can’t manage a day without her. Then she orders me around like she’s my boss. I inhaled a deep sigh and sat on my cushiony bed. At last, another day is over. And just like that hours, days, months, years would pass and I would look back and wonder what happened to my youth.
I had changed my job a few years ago because my last job as a teacher did not spare me enough time and energy to look after my family. But the present job gives me loads of it as per my husband and family members. Now I work in the most thankless job ever. I’m a housewife. I do all the mean chores. My day starts with washing dirty laundry and ends with scrubbing dishes and unclogging kitchen sinks.
Also, I take a trip to hell once a week when my maid decides to go to the movies or shopping with her boyfriend. The worst is when my husband goes all romantic on the very day I had scrubbed the floor of my 1500 sq. feet house. It’s like encountering Satan on my way to the steaming Inferno.
As I sat squinting over the sharp ache on my back, I wondered why I signed up for all this. Is this what my entire life would be all about? Working my ass off trying to make my home sparkle, cooking three meals a day and worrying what to cook the next day? What if I refused to clean my house for a couple of days? No one’s going to award me anyways for the most sparkling house in the colony. No one in my family even tries to notice or appreciates my handwork of the day. But again, am I seriously ruining my life just for inconsequential mark of appreciation from significant someone?
Then why am I doing all this? I know that my work bestows me no happiness. I’m tired and irritated throughout. I feel like a serial killer during my PMS days. My hair, skin and weight are a complete mess. I look 10 years older my age. Moreover, I’m not perfect in my job either. I’m a crappy cook, lack energy to maintain the house, often forget to buy essential groceries, and the embarrassing list goes on.
I’m aware of the fact that I’m not the traditional mom types who seek happiness in others. I cannot live my life serving others and deriving satisfaction with the fact that I did my part as a wife and mother. We all end up alone anyways. So there seems no point in losing your youth washing dirt out from other’s clothes and dishes. Being a housewife really does not mean relaxing the whole day. In fact, it means making bed for others to relax at the end of the day.
Is it true then that housewives like us seek condolences for their pathetic lifestyles? Is this the reason why although our jobs are the most tedious yet we receive least appreciation? It may be true to most extend. If we seize to appreciate ourselves, how can we expect others to respect us? Our hunger for attention leaves us bored and unworthy.
Let’s try to understand the real issue here. We may have to dabble into the past. As we can see that there is an imperious burden over women of our generation. We have observed perfect homemakers in our moms while we were encouraged to search our own path and work on an independent life. Sadly, the irony lies in the fact that although we were trained to be a career woman, yet we were married off far before we could trace our steps into a bright future. As confused as we lay, we had no clue how to be perfect like our moms. Once we achieved the expertise to some extent, we were taunted to be doing ‘nothing’. This drew us to pin down our unfulfilled dream to be a career woman. And Voila! We stand on the land of nowhere now.
Although we work extremely hard to be awarded the best mom, the best wife and the best homemaker; yet we feel that our life is missing the thrill of going places. We yearn for the independence of not begging before our husbands for money, we wish to be respected more and we long for some meaningful work that could accomplish us in these endeavor.
During this confusion, we realize that we have touched our 40s. Who would dole us out the ‘Big Break’? Our skills and creativity have kissed us goodbye long ago and how much the world has changed since we graduated. For the past twenty decades or so, we were tied up with the responsibilities. We beeped no notification on updating our skills and diplomas. And now the kids are all grown up, the in-laws are bored of making our lives hell and even the dear husband seems to lack interest in us; we have ample of time in our hands if we decide to leave the dirt alone and make it the permanent guest on the shelves. Yet we don’t know where to start. Hence, we worry and search around for a shoulder that could console us for messing up our lives.
Let it be not this way. We may lack skills but the world is far less demanding now. It is the era of creation. We simply have to sort our list of priorities. ‘Why do we seek a career’ should be the first one. Our path would be clear only when we realize what exactly we are looking for: is it money, fame, stepping out from the house, or simply something meaningful to do with our time. The choices would entirely be varied according to our intend.

Therefore, if we really want to get started, then we have to stop seeking condolences and start prioritizing our requirements. 

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SEEKING CONDOLENCE: Quest to find Happiness

I gathered my hair into a tight knot, ignoring the bold grey ones who mocked at me through the looking mirror. But as I wiped my face with...